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A Gnostic Childhood
Part IX
Part X
Part X_a
Part XI
Part XII
Part XIIIa
Part XIIIb
Part XIIIc
Part XIIIe
Part XIV
Part XV
Part XVII
Part XVIIa
Part XVIII “The new
man is still evolving. Indeed, he is not yet visible to everyone, for he does
not come from the noisy centre which constantly attracts the attention of the
crowd, but from the quiet periphery. Every new force that is designed to topple
an age which has run its course comes from the periphery of that age with all
its dominant values and pseudo-values. It is in the moments of great crisis in
the emergence of the new that the ‘outsiders’ take on their special function
of forming the nucleus of a new centre around which the coming world will
henceforth order itself.”
When I grew up during the end of the second World War in Germany, with death all around me, I became aware of spirits and spiritual beings. I saw apparitions and ghosts of family friends and strangers and also experienced somewhat benign poltergeist activities.
There were also moaning sounds and books flying off the book-shelves, as well as pictures falling off the walls and photos being strewn all over the floors. And we saw ghostly apparitions floating through the living room. We did not recognize their features as they were too indistinct and vague, but we instinctively knew that these were spirits who wanted to be recognized and we took it, that two of them were our friends husband and stepdaughter. This activity took place every night for at least two years until Frau Baeumelburg moved into an apartment in another part of town.
Through the course of my life
I have had many supernatural, mystical and spiritual experiences. When
I was still young, from six to eight years old, I had constant visions
of spiritual beings, some were relatives who had passed on and others
who were unknown to me. This happened mostly before falling asleep or
upon awaking during the night. Sometimes I started "day dreaming" and
saw spirits doing very ordinary things like setting dishes on a dinner
table or gesticulating while talking to another "person." And
sometimes I even heard parts of their conversation. Sometimes they
disturbed and frightened me and other times I was amused by their
comical facial expressions and words. There were also times when we
went with our bikes into the forests which surround Berlin and it was
there that I, when resting in the grass, experienced the re-enactment
of second World War battle scenes.
Which I can only interpret as: "You are a building stone," meaning, I think, that I am part of a structure. I looked around me to identify the speaker but I only saw the ocean and the beautiful beach. In fact, I didn’t even see myself. No arms no legs, no body at all. When I woke up, still sitting on the sofa with the book on my lap, I felt so good and blessed. Everything, even the mundane surroundings of my room, seemed "electric" and so very alive...vibrating with meaning and love. Through the course of my life I have
reflected on this first mystical experience almost daily. It has
given me encouragement and strength in times of despair and doubt and it has
always encouraged me to move ahead with the spiritual quest. It compelled me to
seek for answers to the meaning of life at a very
early age. Of course, the answer was given to me in very simple terms: the
universe is like a structure, and I, as well as everybody and everything else, are
a vital and living part of this living universe, which is the body of the
living God and that "death," is nothing but transformation and
evolution. Like actors on a supernatural stage we "audition" for and
play the parts which we need to play in order to learn and grow. Life, material
life on this material plane, and spiritual life on various spiritual planes, is
serious and yet nothing but "play-acting" in a universal comedy which,
if misinterpreted by
us and taken as ultimate reality, becomes a deadly drama absorbing us in its This is not to say that our present material incarnation is not important, because it really is. No, we chose to live here under the conditions we find ourselves in and must act-out our assigned roles until at least this "play" is over. But we must not take play for ultimate reality and forget that it only is a temporary role which we are playing. In other words, we must not identify with the temporary role we are playing to the extent of believing it to be our ultimate and true self. And this can only be done if we really understand that the dramas we are acting out here on the material plane are nothing more than temporary tools to teach us what is necessary for us to learn in order to evolve. Whether we learn from the script which we are acting out here or whether we become so absorbed in it that we can not rise above the horrors and dualities which come to us as part of the play is, of course, up to us and to our willingness to see beyond the immediate manifestations and our own pain and suffering or even temporary bliss, without becoming completely absorbed by them. Thus I think that we should not take this temporary drama here too seriously, for even this horror-show viewed from a distance, is really a divine comedy, if we become capable not only to view the immediate stage but also the dressing rooms of the other actors and the storage rooms for the props...When we are willing to remain distant from the immediate play in front of us and thus become enabled to view everything that goes along with a stage presentation, actors rehearsing, carpenters and stagehands preparing the props, make-up artists and background painters, all working very hard to create an ILLUSION so convincingly that it becomes reality to the audience. It is all created to touch something in us, something deep and sacred which can give us the means to learn and hopefully evolve without loosing ourselves in temporary roles. What more could one want for an answer ! Yet, I have still searched for more and more revelations. Sometimes they came through other mystical experiences and at other times they came through reading books and watching movies. When I got older, I recognized the music that I heard, during my first experience, as Beethoven’s ninth symphony. The "Ode to Joy." How much more could have been revealed to me ? My "out of body" experience, showed me the oneness of all that is, and the joy of all that is, because it is part of the living God. However we look at it, and whatever we think, the simplicity of truth is almost comical . And I believe it is totally immaterial what we think God is, or how He fits into our belief system. The key here simply is how we fit into the universe. Can we live love and oneness, or do we hide behind religions, dogmas and man-made laws in order to avoid living this love for all that is, this oneness with all ? You know, it could be all so simple and yet we try to avoid it at all cost. We don’t really want to come to terms with our place in the order of things. We don’t really want to face ourselves and take responsibility for our actions. Although our actions often have dire consequences, and we have to face them and correct them in one way or another. But we are truly Loved and we are forgiven and our difficulties are taken into some kind of compassionate cosmic consideration. We are not abandoned in a cruel world as orphans where we have to survive through any means necessary. We do not have to accumulate wealth here through stealing or hurting others. We do not have to participate in wars and exploitation. We do not have to mistreat our fellow beings, people and animals. All we need is to unconditionally love and respect other beings, as we are loved and cherished and respected by God. And I use the term "God" here lightly, without much analysis of what "God" really means besides that it derives to my understanding from the term "good." Perhaps in a spiritual hierarchy of of incomprehensible cosmic proportions, God per-se, is not even a single entity or whatever, but just a term used to describe the spiritual unity of all that is....? Does it matter, is it relevant to our existence in this material realm for a certain period of time? I can not possibly see any value in Religions as such, besides as aides to keep the masses of people submissive to the established power-structure of their respective nation and form of government. Religion, in my opinion, is indeed "opium for the people," as Karl Marx so clearly stated. But he apparently forgot to distinguish between religion and spirituality. As clearly "religion" is an all important part of mankind's bondage and ignorance in the scheme of exploitation and establishment power, so is spirituality without dogmatic fanaticism mankind's ultimate liberator. One of my most beloved teachers whom I never met in person, but who has dictated words of eternal wisdom on an alphabet-board (he adhered to a vow of silence) taught me more about life, death and afterlife and about the ultimate meaning of our material existence here, then the bible or any other source of religious teaching.
This man was Meher Baba who said that he was the Avatar, or the Christ of the age. Not wanting to go into this Avatar claim and getting hung-up on it, I just want to say that when looking in his face as portrayed in so many pictures of him, I have never seen such Love and Compassion radiating from anybody's eyes as coming from this almost comical looking god-man. He, to me, became the expression and the face of God. Not in a fanatical sense of belief and surrender though, but as a gentle, loving, compassionate "Reisekamerad," (Comrade on the journey). Perhaps this is not exactly how he would have liked me to approach his teachings, but, reconsidering, I think that he smiles upon me from his high spiritual realm telling me again, personally, his famous saying: "Don't worry, be happy." I have always looked for simplicity on the spiritual path. No occult initiations and formulas or mystical fantasies. It is all so very simple. As Jesus said: " Love one another as I have loved you." And that’s all there really is to know. The rest is given to us, as we need it, during the course of our lives. I have no doubt whatsoever, that this
universe is first and foremost a spiritual universe. And we can and will have
many encounters with spiritual beings if we are open to the possibility of their
existence. I know because I have seen, heard and experienced them. I have
sometimes, mostly unexpectedly, been guided, encouraged, or even chided by
them. Always in a gentle, compassionate voice, even when I contemplated something
reprehensible. Reading what The following account of my life is the story of my quest for wisdom and truth. I call it a " Gnostic childhood," because I believe that we are eternal children of God and because my life has always been lived in an intuitive sense. Having been a "rebel" since birth and an outcast almost as long, I think that there are quite a few people who could find my story interesting and perhaps even helpful. Especially since my present incarnation came about in a very desperate and horrible time and place and took me almost purposefully into realms and directions no one could have ever imagined at the time. Even though, someone did, an old lady in the back of a store, a 'fortune teller,' told me at the tender age of fourteen, that I would be going overseas and marry an 'exotic woman,' and that I would have two children, a boy and a girl, and eventually be wealthy. Well, I did go overseas and marry an exotic woman. A Colored or 'African-American' woman and had a son with her. But the marriage didn't last more than two years. I also had a daughter when I married again a not so exotic woman of Irish, Russian and French descent in 1978. Unfortunately the part of the prediction about being rich did definitely not come true. As a matter of fact, I have always had barely enough to just get by, but have never been rich even in the most imaginative sense. The only explanation for this false prediction could be that by the standards we lived in in Germany at the time of the prediction, my standard of life here in the United States could be viewed as 'wealthy.' Nevertheless, I have always felt guided and protected, even under the most desperate circumstances and adventures. Perhaps it is my intuitive life-style and my often 'naive' honesty and faith in spiritual guides and their guidance which often 'miraculously' led me through even the most ugly and dangerous paths and experiences without a scratch. Often doors were opened to me as if by miracle and forces would move circumstances in my behalf almost forcing me to go in directions which contemplated 'rationally' would have scared me to death, as I'm not really a brave soul by nature. Most people who knew me as a child, young man, and even now, either hate me or love me. They saw me as very innocent and pure, as a naive, idealistic child and young man even though I was in my own opinion far from it. Yet I understand why they felt this way, because in a dualistic sense of self perception I saw myself in the same light, although I also knew that it wasn't really true. Or was it? Even today, as I am almost sixty-four years old, many people, strangers, acquaintances and friends sense this almost child-like innocence in me. Only now, having evolved somewhat and attained more self-understanding, I know that it is the reflection of something deep and holy. Something so strange and yet so ordinary that I can only smile at the implications. It is indeed a spiritual gift which was given to me at birth and has guided me throughout the path of my life. Being far from 'innocent,' in the sense of the world, I now know that indeed I am innocent in the spiritual sense. What a contradiction this is, and yet it is the only way I can attempt to describe it. My first sense of self-awareness as a toddler was that I didn't want to be 'here.' I didn't want to be incarnated on this material plane, and I believe that consciously or unconsciously I decided then and there to 'rebel' at my being here by living with an intuitive connection to the spiritual realm as my home of choice. I was then and always have been a "stranger in a strange land". In other words I kept my distance to material experiences in this life and remained with one foot, so to speak, in the spiritual realm, observing, but never becoming completely immersed in the 'reality' of life on earth. In this sense I have remained untainted by the ugliness, the sexual depravities and the destructive manipulations by others in my realm of experience. But no matter how ugly the deeds and how manipulative my actions, I never remained attached to them or to the outcome. It never became a part of me. Being here on earth we can't survive unless we 'play the game' at least to a limited extend. No doubt, I have done many things that were not only ugly and manipulative, but also destructive and hurtful to others. I am no angel and no 'spiritual master,' but somehow these deeds have not left a mark on me as I have not deeply identified with them. They have not become part of my baggage, of my true beingness, as I always travel lightly. Being observant and open to my intuitive connection to the 'supernatural,' my path has not only led me in the direction of spirituality, but also into the netherworld of politics, political weltanschauung and, as a natural conclusion, conspiracy theories. Truth, to find the truth about events in history, motivations of political leaders and their actions, as well as the reasons for obvious lies and distortions of these events and actions by contemporary manipulators and pundits, has always been an obsession with me. Often I have felt and been guided in my conclusions by an uncanny intuitive sense of 'what really happened,' and of my mission to disseminate this truth. Being an outcast, I despise tribal alliances and lies "for the common good," more than anything else. Therefore I have no earthly treasures to protect and no alliances to anyone or anything. My only true alliance is with the truth. Is truth relative to the 'eyes of the beholder?' Meaning, to our own interpretation of it? I don't think so. At least it shouldn't be. Certainly often truth is buried under complexities and enormous amounts of deception, but as long as truth is viewed and searched for by unattached and honest seekers who rely only on the facts and known circumstances. In other words, people without an agenda. Truth in itself is neither good nor evil. It simply is fact. Of course what people and propaganda make out of these facts is another story. If, for whatever reason, we are kept from speaking the truth or even from finding the truth, either by government laws or by public ridicule and condemnation, we are not free, no matter whether our governments are in name democratic or not. Facts speak for themselves and are thus the truth. When I am told either subtly through brainwashing propaganda in the media, or through laws, that my own observations are based not on reality, but on a defective state of awareness, and that I am not allowed to express them, then I know for certain that something ugly and deceptive is going on. When political and racial interest groups dictate through pressure and defamation what I must think and observe and what I can express and what I can not express, what conclusions I am allowed to draw from my observations and what conclusions I'm not allowed to draw, then I know that I must speak up no matter what the consequences. When 'free' countries, such as Germany, France, Italy, Australia, Canada and even the 'super-free' US of A throw people in jail for their conclusions based on facts and for expressing them, then I absolutely know that something is going on behind the scenes which can only be called a Conspiracy. I am not only convinced that there is a world wide conspiracy to establish a 'New World Order,' but am sure to the depth of my soul, that this conspiracy has already succeeded. The New World Order is here now. It is active and it is turning the world upside down. What the Communist International couldn't accomplish, the Capitalist International did without the majority of the people even becoming aware of it. And thanks to the relentless and synchronized propaganda of the Capitalist International media the majority of the people aren't even aware of it. At least forty years of deliberate 'dumbing-down' of our young people in public schools and colleges has finally come to fruition. We never had dumber people in the western world than we have now. Unlimited immigration of third world masses into the western countries has destroyed not only the soul of these nations, but their infrastructure as well, making the original inhabitants helpless witnesses to their nation's destruction.
Do we dare call it a Conspiracy? When the collapse of the 'Communist' Soviet Union came about through mysterious manipulations in the realm of finance, mankind should have enjoyed peace and prosperity. Instead, the forces behind the scenes, apparently the same forces which used communism and national socialism for their own ends, became suddenly determined proponents of the New World Order. If you honestly explore the 'who is who' of finance and plutocratic capitalism, you know instantly who and what the force behind ALL that is going on in the world right now are. Do you dare to face the FACTS and draw your own conclusions? Or do you stick your head in the sand and pretend that all is well and that nothing extraordinary is going on, just business as usual? If one is willing and able to face facts which can only be described as absolute evil, one can find who the perpetrators of this 'sudden' paradigm shift are. About eighty years of desperate plotting and planning, manipulating, blackmailing and bribing of entire national governments has finally paid off. Like frogs in a pot of water, heated up gradually, the masses of people have been ever so slowly conditioned to not even trust their own sense of right or wrong, nor to sense the rapidly approaching boiling point of their once 'comfortable' existence. Conditioned to hear, see and speak 'no evil,' they dare not to complain about their gradually increasing pain and fear. Confused by the "politically correct" propaganda relentlessly thrown at them through electronic media, press and movies, they bury their heads, mind and spirit into the two-dimensional world of television, movies and sports; idolizing the sports-superstars and Hollywood crowd, created by the 'Agentur,' as substitutes for their own miserable and meaningless existence. All this has happened
right under our noses and the blueprint for it has been known since the early
1920's. It is all written in "The
Protocols of the Elders of Zion," a mysterious book outlining what was
going to happen, and what consequently DID happen. The protocols have been
declared a forgery in a Swiss court in 1937, but what does this mean? Are we
really so dumb that we would assume for one minute that the 'Agentur' could
not and would
not influence the court findings? Being an 'outcast,' I don't care what
happens to me. I have found comfort when I served in the army as well as under
all kinds of adversarial living conditions. Having seen an entirely different and BETTER
world, on two continents, I think I know what I'm talking about. Having escaped the
proverbial frog-pot by the grace of God, I'm still awake enough to pass on to those who want to listen, who and what the dark forces are that
destroyed not only Western Civilization, but who are also hell-bent on
destroying every trace of western man and the once flourishing societies which
he created.
When I came to America
from Germany at the age of twenty-two, I knew no one in this country and had
almost nothing in terms of money to back me up. Still, I had something much more
valuable: love and respect for all people, including myself, and an open mind to
learn different ways and a new language. But I also carried with me a stigma
imposed upon me not by my deeds or personality or even race, but by being born
in Germany and thus being a German. This inferiority complex was like
a mental illness which eventually subsided through the generosity and
unconditional acceptance of me on my own character and
merits, by the truly wonderful people of this once great country.
Considering myself a heretic and born rebel, I nevertheless can appreciate a stable and healthy society. After all, my personal path is just that, -- personal. It is grounded more than anything else in a deep sense of spirituality which I call "Gnosticism." Whether this is scholarly correct I really don't care. One thing I know though is, that this country, this America, has been my destiny from birth. I have found here what I could have never found in Germany or anywhere else, --myself. It used to be a place, almost a sacred refuge, for even a rebellious spirit like me. A place where I could be free to be myself and to evolve on my own terms and pace, and as I see it now falling apart through malicious leaders, corrupt to the core, I'm not only heart-broken, but angry beyond words. -This country, my home, died with the assassination of president Kennedy, a slow and agonizing death lasting over many decades culminating in the presidency of George W. Bush, which to me seems like the final mockery, by the New World Order cabal, of this once esteemed office as head of a free and democratic people. Perhaps by telling my story which isn't in any way remarkable but perhaps interesting to kindred spirits, I can leave something meaningful or even inspirational behind.
I'm the little guy on the left Here I am a fire fighter employed by the U.S. Air Force at airport Tempelhof in Berlin. This picture is taken around 1960. I was the youngest in the department at the time and probably ever. It was a great job with a very 'Kameradschaftliche' atmosphere. I remember a few names of co-workers and friends such as: Herr Kurtzweg (a friend and I can't think of his first name he was also called (shorty) because Kurtz means short in German. And Herr Gaertner and Robert..B.(can't remember his last name) and Heinz (Heini) Schultz, and Olaf who had just returned from Australia, also Walter (who cooked for us during our 24 hour shifts) and Herr Fiegert (Fickie)..... But I shall write about that later....
Picture on left shows the
author in 1973
The author in Arlington, Vermont 1996 To continue my journey go to "A Gnostic Childhood 2"
Uwe Nolte: Erzengel Michael (Archangel Michael)
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Gradually the light became brighter and
brighter and I found myself at an ocean beach. I felt very warm and good. As I
looked into the water I saw what I can only describe as a protoplasm or an
enlarged single cell. And while I looked at this cell in amazement, I heard a
very gentle voice saying to me:" Du bist ein Baustein...!" 
warped script like in the suffocating embrace of a demon from which even our
physical death can not completely free us, as we must learn "to play the
game" by the rules of the universe in order to attain liberation from the
bliss and the horrors of material life. And the most important rule, as I
understand it is, to Not Ever take this material existence too seriously. 
genuine mediums have transmitted from the
"other side," about the order of the universe, I’m always amazed at
the simplicity of their message. It always comes down to compassion and love.
This is the measure of all our life’s worth. Everything else is secondary or
meaningless. Not surprisingly, this point is also stressed by those who had near death
experiences. They too understood this as the key to their spiritual evolution.
And this experience, has usually changed their lives in a very dramatic way.
Suddenly they knew how simple the truth really is, and how they could find
indescribable joy and bliss in selfless service to All life.
